One of the struggles of being married young with children is time with friends. Do you spend time with friends or do you not? Nobody wants to not spend time with their friends, but it can come at the cost of a marriage. For the last five years I have developed a steady regiment of girlfriends, girls' night's out, girls weekend, martini parties, birthday celebrations - everything a girl in her twenties loves to do.
Lately, I've been phasing those things out - on purpose. A girlfriend who is considering moving out of town for a boy gave this reason, "I don't have anything holding me back. I have you guys, my girlfriends, but you're not the ones I'm going home with at night." Coming from a girl who loves to live the single life, this struck me. Struck me as true. The last five years I have concentrated so hard on finding myself, figuring out who I am, and making sure to do what I want to do. Which is all very important. But, in the end, my girlfriends aren't the ones I'm going home with at night. Another thing that has happened is watching a girlfriend find the love of her life and pouring every ounce of her soul into him, while the rest of us sit back and watch, giddily happy for her. If she can do that at the beginning of a relationship, why can't I do that ten years into my marriage? Maybe I've had it all wrong has been my perspective lately. I am so grateful to my girlfriends and everything they've carried me through, but maybe they've carried me through to get me to this point - this point where I realize my man and my boys are the most important thing in the world, and for a moment, maybe for every moment, they need to be my priority at every moment.
Unfortunately, after my self-imposed hiatus in order to keep family life in order, all of a sudden a hiatus was forced up on me thru unusually cold weather and snow, my oldest having a fever, and then my lower back hurting so much I couldn't stand up straight. Then, my perspective changed once again. Oh, no! What if I CAN'T go hang out with girlfriends? I definitely still want to! I didn't mean I don't want to see them forever!
So. Where do I draw the line? My family, my man, my boys ARE my priority. So how do I keep up my relationships with my girlfriends without letting that aspect of my life overtake my life? Maintaining friendships IS work, as it should be, the thing is, so IS a relationship, and a family. Do I limit my social time to once a week and risk losing a few of my girlfriends and the close relationship we share now? Yes. Yes, I do. I took this school semester off so I could refocus my priorities. I am not finding a job so I can work with my husband on starting our own business. These things are priorities. I will give myself a night or two a month to spend with my girlfriends and make the most of it. I will give myself a day or two a month to spend with my girlfriends and make the most of it. This is what it is.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Making decisions
How do you make your decisions? Do you go off the whim of one or the other? Do you do what "feels" right? Do you analyze each decision? Do you make a pros and cons list? Do you talk to trusted people? Do you sleep on a decision? Do you research your decision? Do you discuss it? Do you one or more of the above?
Brandon and I had a conversation about making decisions the other day. And by conversation, I mean I overloaded his brain with my thoughts on making decisions. My thought process went something like this: every decision we make from creating a new business, to decorating the house, to parenting the kids, needs to be talked over, mulled over, analyzed, and brought to a conclusion. A culmination of analyzation talking to people we know, research, and discussion. The thought of this totally overwhelmed him and left him in instant stress mode thinking about having to do that for every little thing we do. I didn't mean every little thing we do, but I did mean a lot of the bigger decisions. But now the thought stresses me out since it stresses him out.
Ideally, I would love to go through this process when making a decision:
*Idea process: come up with an idea, be supportive of it, brainstorm, and be open to anything
*Develops ideas: think about possible ways to make each idea realistic, coming up with only the positive at this point
*Research ideas: Now to the nitty-gritty, what will it take to make it possible in our realm of possibility within capability of skills, money, know-how, time, energy, and passion.
*Decision: Based on what we researched, do we want to extend the energy needed on our parts on that particular decision?
*Follow-thru: Now that we've brainstormed the ideas, done the research, and made the decision, the follow-thru is the easy part, but it has to be done.
So often I feel like we go straight from the first point to the last, skipping all the parts in between, and making the last step so hard to follow it rarely does get followed. This is overwhelming to me. Taking this process is the steps I take for decisions personally, whether it be concsiously or subconsciously, and the steps I would like to take together as a couple.
What process do you follow in making decisions with yourself and/or your significant other? Do you have a process?
Brandon and I had a conversation about making decisions the other day. And by conversation, I mean I overloaded his brain with my thoughts on making decisions. My thought process went something like this: every decision we make from creating a new business, to decorating the house, to parenting the kids, needs to be talked over, mulled over, analyzed, and brought to a conclusion. A culmination of analyzation talking to people we know, research, and discussion. The thought of this totally overwhelmed him and left him in instant stress mode thinking about having to do that for every little thing we do. I didn't mean every little thing we do, but I did mean a lot of the bigger decisions. But now the thought stresses me out since it stresses him out.
Ideally, I would love to go through this process when making a decision:
*Idea process: come up with an idea, be supportive of it, brainstorm, and be open to anything
*Develops ideas: think about possible ways to make each idea realistic, coming up with only the positive at this point
*Research ideas: Now to the nitty-gritty, what will it take to make it possible in our realm of possibility within capability of skills, money, know-how, time, energy, and passion.
*Decision: Based on what we researched, do we want to extend the energy needed on our parts on that particular decision?
*Follow-thru: Now that we've brainstormed the ideas, done the research, and made the decision, the follow-thru is the easy part, but it has to be done.
So often I feel like we go straight from the first point to the last, skipping all the parts in between, and making the last step so hard to follow it rarely does get followed. This is overwhelming to me. Taking this process is the steps I take for decisions personally, whether it be concsiously or subconsciously, and the steps I would like to take together as a couple.
What process do you follow in making decisions with yourself and/or your significant other? Do you have a process?
DIY Woes
So, Monday I got up after a phone conversation with a friend and couldn't stand up straight because my lower back was in too much pain. Whether moving that goshawful heavy dresser on Saturday was the culprit, I don't know, but I'm sure it didn't help. So the DIY/declutter train is on hold for now while my back recovers. Thanks for waiting!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
A quiet weekend...
... with one kiddo sick, some classic rock and enjoying the cool blue sky and wonderful breeze with just the tinge of chill in it. I just wanted to take some time to post SOMETHING on our new joint blog. It actually really neat to know that Rose can be sitting next to me working on the 'same' project but doing something completely different. At the moment she is at olioboard.com creating another mood board and i must say it is looking wonderful. If only we had the cash flow to allow her to really do even a small portion of that to our home.
Anyway. That is a decent segue in to what I thought I would discuss as my first post. Actually its what got me to thinking Rose and I should create a blog in the first place. I wanted to start with the blog because if we are going to attempt this other venture, we ought to be able to write a few posts on-line together first right? Even choosing the blogging platform was a challenge... how on earth are we going to figure out how to start the blog... post and then ADD our other big adventure we both want to make successful? Well... here we are, blogging, next to each other. Her about her inspiration to "organizing, declutter, & decorate". Me about really, what ever is on my mind. The point for me is that is about what we are up to.
... on to what we are up to, besides this blog.
The big adventure we want to be successful... Starting a business of course. For years I have been dabbling in photography. It is definitely something I have a passion for. I'll discuss that here later because for now I really want to talk about our business opportunity. Its nothing new. Its been around for ever. Its also extremely profitable if you have the right system.
Last December when we went to California for Christmas Vacation Rose's dad picked us up from the airport as they normally do. Once everyone was in the car, we promptly headed to In-N-Out Burger, our regular welcome home ceremony. While on the way there, Pops and I began our usual "how is business"conversation. After he gave me an update on a few of the changes to the insurance business, I told him about some of the goals Rose and I have for the future. I discussed what we thought it would take to be successful in photography.
Anyway. That is a decent segue in to what I thought I would discuss as my first post. Actually its what got me to thinking Rose and I should create a blog in the first place. I wanted to start with the blog because if we are going to attempt this other venture, we ought to be able to write a few posts on-line together first right? Even choosing the blogging platform was a challenge... how on earth are we going to figure out how to start the blog... post and then ADD our other big adventure we both want to make successful? Well... here we are, blogging, next to each other. Her about her inspiration to "organizing, declutter, & decorate". Me about really, what ever is on my mind. The point for me is that is about what we are up to.
... on to what we are up to, besides this blog.
The big adventure we want to be successful... Starting a business of course. For years I have been dabbling in photography. It is definitely something I have a passion for. I'll discuss that here later because for now I really want to talk about our business opportunity. Its nothing new. Its been around for ever. Its also extremely profitable if you have the right system.
Last December when we went to California for Christmas Vacation Rose's dad picked us up from the airport as they normally do. Once everyone was in the car, we promptly headed to In-N-Out Burger, our regular welcome home ceremony. While on the way there, Pops and I began our usual "how is business"conversation. After he gave me an update on a few of the changes to the insurance business, I told him about some of the goals Rose and I have for the future. I discussed what we thought it would take to be successful in photography.
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